Me: attempting to lose weight
Unhealthy food: hey I taste good and I’m the only thing in your fridge xx
*talks to Internet friends while sitting next to real life friends*
I think “dildo” is a perfectly acceptable insult. Like, I’d call you a dick but you’re not real enough.
I want you pressed against me and I want our legs tangled together and I want you to kiss me like it’s our first kiss all over again
i really hate this ‘ur other half is out there somewhere u just gotta meet them’ like fuck off im not incomplete im a whole person and i dont need anyone to ‘complete me’ the only thing i need is a pizza and not ur shit bye
straight a’s???? why not GAY a’s stop homophobia now
If ever you feel stupid, remember that one time my twin brother forgot my birthday.
*DJs at a high school prom*
*only plays gangnam style*
*plays gangnam style at half speed when they request a slow song*
What if prisons let prisoners take their own mug shots?